Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Humorless Commenter Of The Week

I am starting to wonder if the humorless commenter is really just a dumb commenter. I suppose there are instances where very smart people could be so humorless that they are credulous about everything. Anyway, Gawker appears to be full of stupid commenters. It is really quite amazing. This week's comment comes from a spiritual atheist. Someone who shuns the modern church, no doubt, and chooses to live a life based on whatever spiritual machinations get her to the next therapy appointment.

I must say, however. I cannot believe how many people took this comment seriously. Why even get up in the morning, if you read something like what I wrote and think it is true? The malignant aspect of people like this is that they also must share their opinion with you. Not only do they miss the joke, but they are righteous in their stupidity. These people are liberals, too! Depressing. 

Gawker posted this article on a Jesus loving tipper. I posted this comment:
I am very religious. When I am tipping, especially at a high end place like Applebee's or Chili's, I want to know that my money is going to something good, something that will further God's will on this planet. An easy way to do this, for those that are interested, is to pull aside the waiter/waitress and ask the following question: "God has told me that he wants you to sacrifice your child for him. In fact, I have a dagger right here that you can use. Will you do this?" If they answer yes, I tip 12.5%. If no, I just leave a few Bible passages, which I suspect will serve them much better than a few dollars.
In response, new wave spiritual guru IMW had this to share:
I don't believe in god. I do, however, believe in treating people with respect and decency, regardless of their personal beliefs. I tip 20% minimum. If they try harder, I'll tip 30-50%. Tips are where the majority of a waiter's income comes from. Just because you think you're better than me because you're a religious zealot, doesn't mean you're going to score any points with your waiter. You're just being cheap in the name of god. And I know a whole lot of good christians who respect people, regardless of whether or not they'd kill their kid in the name of god. I'm sure they don't appreciate how you're presenting their religion. Also, allegedly, god said thou shall not kill. Sacrificing your kid because one of his followers told you to do so is definitely not the sort of thing Jesus would be cool with.
Fuck if I am going to explain to you, dear reader, why this is so stupid. Anyway, here are some more responses:
LOL, now that's what I call commitment to a faith created by man so they can give an escape goat for all their issue that they have and problems they can't answer. I like it, keep it up LOL. (by the way that was sarcasm)
That's right, escape goats! Here is another:
Wow, high end places like Chili's and Applebee's huh. Listen high roller, next time you have qualms about tipping because you want it to spread god's will on the planet. Why dont you just eat the bible verses instead of your meal. Then give your meal to one of those starving kids from t.v. and spread his will that way. And by the way, respectful tip is 15-20%. Obviously you never had to struggle and work for it a tip.
Another, this one from Thomas Paine,himself:
It's people like you who give Americans around the world a bad name. You are deluded, grow a brain.
One last one. There are many more:
you, darling, have a WHOLE lot of living to do yet if you think that high-end dining is Applebees or Chilis. God must be crying about this right now.


  1. I no longer read Gawker anymore - too much rubbish - so I appreciate your blog/twitter feed to notify me of your greatest hits.

    Also, "escape goat" actually has a more interesting etymological history than you might think:

  2. Haha! I love etymologies. Especially juicy ones like escape goat! Thanks for reading!

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  4. Fucking typos, seriously. It was easier just to start over.


    Sometimes I sit and read every single response you get and my head spins.. IT SPINS! Because I just can't believe how fucking stupid some people are. You comments and your blog are awesome and you make me laugh on a daily basis. Thank you!

  5. It is really amazing. And thanks you for the kind words. It means a lot!

  6. They are incredible imbecils and that in itself is both hilarious and lame...

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  8. You'd think the liberal commenters would have caught the satire due to being regularly exposed to Andy Borowitz and Onion articles on Facebook. :(

    Bravo, Maury!

  9. You are one of a diminishing list of reasons to actually read Gawker. Though the fact that I stumbled across your blog kinda takes that reason away, I suppose.