Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Why Food Stamps Will Lead To The Destruction Of The United States

Gawker had an interesting article about the increasing number of rejected military recruits that are too fat to enlist. Amazingly, 75% of potential recruits were too plump to go to war. To make war and kill others you need to be lean and mean. You cannot be chubby and out there trying to kill Muslims. First, you are a bigger target and second, all you will be doing is thinking about food.

Nobody is saying it, so I am going to be the first. Food Stamps are leading to the demise of America's military dominance. Food Stamps played a big role in the the 2012 election, with Romney always pointing out the reprehensible action of Obama increasing the number of poor people fed. Attributed to the recent recession, Food Stamp use is on the rise. So, is it any surprise that potential recruits are fatter?

Everyone knows that lower income folks join the armed services. It is not the Tagg Romney's enlisting but the rural or inner city kid looking for some sort of career and way to success. The problem is that Obama fed them. As Food Stamps use increases, ostensibly the number of hungry people decreases. Food Stamp users, when they aren't selling them for crack or blow jobs, are out their eating three course meals and sucking in the calories like a newly formed black hole. Then they get fat.

Once you get on the government teat all initiative and ambition goes out the door. You are like a newborn suckling at the breast of your mother. It is safe, delicious, and all you have to do is cry and the ole' titty is in your mouth. You become indolent and you mostly watch Price is Right and judge shows. But you cannot do that forever. Inevitably your parents kick you out or their home gets foreclosed on and you have to find a place to live. You gonna work? Fuck no! Give me something for nothing. Join the Army! But there you are on Parris Island all ready to put your Call of Duty massacre techniques to work but you do not fit in your uniform and it winds you to touch your toes. You are a fat blob of pacification.

If Romney had won, this would not have been a problem. The poor would not be fed and therefore would not be fat. They would be more likely to enlist because they need a meal and also more likely be emaciated enough to be eligible. So, Food Stamps are a big deal. What will we tell our children when we are all being ruled by the Chinese? Sorry, we tried to help the less fortunate and this is what happened? It is probably too late, but this is what you get when you try to help the needy.


  1. Maury, man, you are my hero! I'm so glad you have a blog. I love the humorless internet commenter!