Sunday, November 4, 2012

Paul Ryan Stones Harry Potter Lookalike To Prove Romney/Ryan Will Keep America Judeo-Christian

In what could only be described as the most spiritual moment of the 2012 campaign, Paul Ryan stoned a wizard to death today in Denver. Speaking on a conference call to a group of conservative scholars, or as the press refers to them, Evangelical Christians, Ryan warned that Obama is on "a path that compromises those values-those Judeo-Christian values that made us great in the first place." It seems that Paul Ryan sees the coming apocalypse in the Obamacare requirement that insurance cover birth control.

He then went on to cite the Sixth and A Half Amendment that was not passed by all the states, and therefore was not part of the original Bill of Rights.  That amendment prohibited women from making decisions about their own bodies and required that white, landowning males always make the final healthcare choice for a woman.  "Although it never passed," Ryan said, "there is a push in Mississippi to revive the amendment, and bring the grace of God back to America".

Ryan, an obviously pious man, was influenced by the great religious thinker, Ayn Rand. Ryan often cites her timeless and critically hated novels as the greatest influence on his life. Rand, a devout Christian, said things such as, "Faith is the worst curse of mankind," and also claimed religion had never offered anything constructive to human life. Amazingly, Ryan did not mention these thoughts to his supporters.

To demonstrate how the Judeo-Christian faith would permeate all parts of the Romney/Ryan administration, Ryan then went on to stone a wizard. Citing Leviticus 20:27, which says, "A man or a woman who is a medium or wizard shall be put to death; they shall be stoned with stones," Ryan, over Skype, stoned the local head of the Harry Potter fanclub, Melvin McPherson. McPherson, a 33 year-old unemployed man, who was a Romney supporter, lived with his mother. After Ryan had stoned McPherson to death, he reminded the crowd that, "With Obama, wizards will be allowed to run free. This is not what our founders wanted, and it is not what God wanted. A vote for Romney/Ryan is a vote for God and a vote against wizardry."

No comments:

Post a Comment