Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Kid Rock Promises To Send Gonorrhea To 100 Romney Supporters

It has been well documented that all the big name celebrities are on Mitt Romney's side. Meatloaf, Lindsay Lohan, Jeff Foxworthy, and the greatest rock star of all time, Kid Rock. Kid Rock, known for influencing bands from The Beatles to Bell, Biv, Devoe, has been quite vocal in his support for Mitt Romney. He has appeared at campaign events, where his pubic hair like goatee has charmed the base of Mitt Romney's party. 

However, he appears to be the first celebrityto announce an incentive for voters. In a press release last night, Kid Rock announced that he will send an antibiotic resistant strain of Gonorrhea unique to him to 100 Romney supporters. Voters only need to snap a pic of them at their polling places and they will be eligible in a drawing.

"Rock n' Roll is a lot like politics," Mr. Rock said, "It is about glamor, sex, and entitlement. That's why I felt like I needed to give something more than my endorsement. I have had many different STDs over the years, but this one has been persistent for a long time. Voters should be really excited about getting to the polls."

Rock's relevance in politics has been compared to Martin Luther King Jr. and Jesus. It wasn't until Romney won his endorsement, that the Romney camp thought they might have sewn up the white, gun-loving, living with their cousin in a trailer park demographic. "We feel really fortunate to have his endorsement," said a Romney spokesperson, "I guess it would be like if Barry Manilow came out in support of Obama".

The Obama campaign tried to downplay the endorsement and the offer of Gonorrhea. "Mitt Romney is obviously grasping at straws," a spokesman said. "President Obama loves redneck music. He is not too concerned with the Kid Rock endorsement."

2 comments:

  1. Ok, you are the bomb. This comment is incredibly late, but I have been perusing through your blog after giggling a lot on gawker. Just thought I'd mention.

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  2. Thanks! I am the worst blogger. I haven't posted in so long!

    p.s. Your drawings are amazing. I am really impressed.

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