For those of you that don't know, Jersey Shore is a show that follows a bunch of well-tanned sex offenders that have been released on parole to a halfway house on the Jersey Shore. Cameras follow them constantly, as they struggle to fit into a world that seems incapable of accepting their immense complexities.
Cortese, apparently, suffered anxiety and depression this season due to the loss of a loved one. "I didn't have Nicole to drink and go out with, and that was always my go-to girl in the house," she explained. Nicole is Snooki, a character on the show that is three feet tall, and was severely burned in a leather tanning accident. In prose that recalls the anguish of Sylvia Plath, Cortese said, "I was going through, like, a lot. And the roommates...now they're making fun of me." This all culminated in a ferocious solo drinking binge that ended Cortese up in jail, and in violation of her parole.
Cortese has apparently moved on, however. She is about to release a hair care product called 'Wisper'. When asked if the name of the product was supposed to be Whisper, Cortese just laughed, and said, "Like that's even a word!" So, for all of your New Jersey residents struggling with the loss of your home and livelihood, remember, it gets better. In fact, that is the name of Cortese's new edible panty line, from which 10% of the proceeds Cortese plans to donate to ALWARSG (American Living With An Antibiotic Resistant Strain of Gonorrhea).